Friday, February 15, 2013

Understanding Yourself

I believe with every ounce of my soul that there are times in ones life where they sit and think, "What the hell is the next step?" I know that there have been countless times where I have felt I should move forward, but didn't know how. There have been times where i sat on my bed, hands in my face with tears painting it. I was confused, lost, annoyed, angry, and at the point of breaking. EVERY single one of these times I can tell you I have said words like, "Help me", "Take this away", and even the words "I hate my life". However, EVERY single one of those times I as taught something valuable  I was taught how to listen, observe, trust, love, and MOVE FORWARD.

I was a woman that thought she would never become what SHE wanted. A woman that thought that what she wanted was selfish and no one would understand. I can remember countless times thinking to myself, "Maybe I am just not meant to be happy. Maybe I am one of those people that will slowly just internally die."

Lets fast forward to a week ago, when i decided it was time to take care of some things. I am not sure what triggered in my head, but something did. I have become a woman that looks at failures not as something I didn't do right, but something I misunderstood. I have seen my past as something beautiful, something that has made me into who I am now. I have finally become that woman who can eat a small brownie and not say  "Yep, I failed." I have not failed, because I have not ended up dying of a heart attack, kidney failure, or the millions of other things that I could of. I have not given up on finding what makes me the happiest.

I have seen that what I want is my personal happiness, and that is okay if it is not someone else's. Life is about learning, and learning is what I am doing. Haters are going to hate, Liars are going to lie.

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