Friday, January 25, 2013

Once upon a time & Happily ever after........

Why is it that whenever I hear those lines I'm expecting some Disney Princess to pop out and crap rainbows and puke candy?

I remember growing up and talking about how my life would be. Most of it was I would be married to a righteous priesthood holder with 6 kids all before 35. I would make cookies and all the neighborhood kids would love me. My husband would walk in the door, kiss my cheek and ask me how he could help. I would be able to teach my kids and stay home with them. If you people aren't chuckling by now at the irony here than you are not truly my friends. I have none of those things at all. And the reality of it is this. People change.

If you were to ask me now what I want compared to even a month ago it would be different. Why? Because I grow. I learn. I move on. I don't want to be a stay at home mom with 6 kids now. I want to be a mom of how many kids God sees fit, when God sees fit, and how God sees fit.

I had this reality check today talking to a family member. The conversation left me thinking back, thinking ahead, and thinking now. Sure I would NEVER have put me at 32 and no family. But I am thankful for it. I would of NEVER put me at 32 with debt and no degree. But I am thankful for it. I would of NEVER put me at 32 fighting with myself daily to not move into my own apartment and have my own freedom. But I am thankful for it. For years people have said "Tricia, enjoy your freedom while you can. Everything changes with a family." All I could see when they said that was the blessings they showed me. The squeaks and squawks of their cute little things. The smiles, the laughs, the tears of joy. What I never saw were the sleepless nights, the questionable look on their faces when they couldn't remember if they changed their clothes or showered that day. I never saw the tears of pain, and stress, and confusion going on. I saw the good. And that's all I saw. I had "Baby Blinders" on. The minute I saw I had those on today, I quickly decided to do some changing. There are things I want to do before a family changes that goal.

I want to go to Europe with a camera in hand and take life changing pictures. In order to do that I need to also take come photography classes. I want to go to NZ and take personal life changing pictures.....*giggles* (if you know my obsession, this will make sense and you will also giggle or smile) and see some sites. I want to get totally 100% out of debt, get a NEW car, get my own apartment, become stable. ON MY OWN! I don't want to have to learn to be independent fully when I'm in a marriage. I want to walk into that marriage knowing what I have to offer is what I expect. I want to be able to have a baby within the first 2 years and not have to worry about "budgeting" for it. I want to be able to not have to have my husband walk in the door, kiss me and ask me how he can help. Reality check....that WON'T always happen.There will be days he walks in waves and walks to the bedroom, and i will walk after him with the words "if you don't take this child one of us will not live much longer!" coming from my mouth louder than usual.

Basically, never decide your happily ever after based on your once upon a time.......because you can bet that by the time you figure out what your happily ever after is, your once upon a time will make you giggle. Growing up is hard to do, and what we pictured growing up is hardly ever what really happens. Smile. Deal with it. Love it!

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