So tonight for the first time I believe, my male bestie and I kinda got into a heated discussion. I mentioned how I felt parents should do a college fund for their kids. He disagreed. This sparked said heated discussion. His stance was that a child that has to provide for his own schooling, and work part time gains work ethnic along with other things. My stance was that if a child had a fund it would be easier for him/her to focus on school. Both were good points, but after this discussion linked to a much more personal one for me I discovered something. I swear, this man teaches me things about myself without fail, each time we spend time together. Most of the time we just end up laying on my bed talking as he lets me get my physical touch language fulfilled Meaning he lets me lean on him and just feel him close. This man has a way of getting me to talk out my inner feelings, and find things I want to fix. For example.
Tonight, I discovered through talking that I grew up being constantly reminded a woman should get married. I can remember 95% of my talks with my family were about how I was going to get married and have kids. How i would stay home and be a "mother in zion". And each time after I left the nest, the question of if i was dating always was asked. And if i was, the question of how close to marriage was I was next. I was reminded my mother wanted grandkids monthly. It is NO WONDER, I have this love sick, want to get married feeling so bad. It was drilled into me. I know what I am about to say will possibly spark some talks, because it is not what the church teaches. After being in the job I am currently at I have discovered, I do not want to be a full time stay at home mommy. I want to work. I want to make money that I made. So that when its my husbands birthday, or Christmas I can get him a present that isnt bought with his money. I want to be able to keep my own image, gain a new one, and still have a close family. I have seen it done, so i know it can be.
I am thankful for this man once again, who has helped me see things.