As I have spent the last few days crabby from living Merphy's law where if anything can go wrong it does, I have tried to change my attitude. Nothing seemed to work, in fact things just seem to get worse. There were times I'd go to the restroom at work and just cry. Thinking about all the ways I have let myself down recently, along with a few others. I would constantly go back to the moment in my head where I felt that peace a few weeks ago driving back from Orem. Finally, today during lunch break where I forgot my lunch at home I just went in there and hit the wall in tears. I remember thinking "WHY?!" I couldn't understand why on earth I was feeling this way when I knew I was blessed in so many other ways. It was really starting to bug me. And the usual answer of "Just get over it." wasn't working. As I scooted down along the wall sobbing I uttered the words, "Help me understand, and thank you for being patient." Once again, instantly i felt at peace. I felt someone physically holding my hand as i just cried it out. In that moment I cried harder thinking about how i wished more than anything right now I had my own cute little family to attempt to make Thanksgiving day food for. How I wished I had a cute little girl to dress up in a dress with bows in her hair that I had made. How I wished I had a husband to be thankful for. Then it hit me. Like a semi truck.
I have these things to be thankful for. Because someday, I know without a doubt I will have them. Someday, the man of MY dreams will walk into my life and all of this pain will make sense. Heck, maybe he is in it right now and he just doesn't know it nor do I. Someday, I will marry my best friend. The man that knows how imperfectly perfect for him I am. A man that will love my brain, and be willing to understand how it works. A man that will love my heart, and that will guard it with his life. A man that will allow me to love him unconditionally, without fail. So in the spirit of this Holiday as I go out to Chuck-a- Rama with my friend tomorrow. Husband, lover, father of my children, wherever you are I love you. As you are sitting there thinking the same thing as I wishing you had that woman of YOUR dreams, know I am preparing for you. Know that I am 100% sure I will complain about you not being here again soon lol. But know that you are worth this wait. I'd wait 1000 years for a man with these qualities you will have and more. In this moment, I stand corrected. Soul-mates exists, because i can feel mine is out there. Happy Thanks-giving!