Saturday, March 3, 2012

Long Overdue

It has been forever since i have posted. Maybe because nothing really was going on that i wanted to share since i did my last one. :) However, now there is lots to talk about. The easiest way to share this story was to do a blog. Then all of you fans (friends) of mine could just read it and not keep asking me. : P Love you all though!

I guess the place to start is back in October 2011. I had been discussing moving to Cedar City with my family (my aunt and uncle) and working at a call center down there. I received a direct confirmation that i should move, so i did. I moved thinking i was moving to build a stronger relationship with my family and to get out of debt. I had a job lined up and everything went VERY smooth. It was almost to smooth. But I figured there would be some major event that would make it all make sense to me. Month after month things just got worse. I wasn't as happy as i was here in SLC. And it wasn't just something i could fix with my mood. I spent time with my family, worked, and did things with friends. Nothing was working. 

It was starting in November/December i started praying a little harder about things. I knew there was a reason i was prompted to go to Cedar, and i was starting to think it was just for school. In January i lost my job, which just added fuel to the fire. The prayers started to be more of desperation to know what on earth HIS plan was. I finally decided that school was my answer. I got everything rolling to apply at SUU. I then got a "job" at a day care and things just seem to fit and i was feeling better. About 2 weekends ago I decided to come to SLC to get a "break" and visit some friends. A much needed thing in my life. Events happened that truly tested my strength in the church, and where i wanted to be in life. Saturday night of that weekend, 2 mins before my friend and i walked out of her house I got a call from my day care boss. 8pm at night....ya i knew it wasn't good. She explained she didn't have enough hours and blah blah she felt for BOTH our benefit she should let me go. I lost it.....hanging up the phone i burst into tears and was totally not me. I was going to a party where i knew i would have to FAKE being happy. My friend informed our other amazing male friend that I needed a blessing but I probably wouldn't ask him hahaha! How well she knew me already so fast was amazing. So we got to the party i began to socialize a bit with the small group that was there. The min i saw this guy friend i knew that i needed a blessing. So we went into a room and talked and he gave me the BEST blessing i ever had besides my Patriarchal Blessing. 

In the blessing i was told many many self confirming things. How proud Heavenly Father was of me for the changes i WILLINGLY made in my life. How much he loved me and so on. Then, i was told "The next big move in your life will be a stressful, but peaceful, rewarding, and motivating one." I was told to listen to the Holy Ghost and act accordingly. I was encouraged to pray more and read my scriptures more. So on. Once the prayer ended i noticed my face was dripping wet. The spirit was SO strong. Little did i know that THIS moment would be one of the BIGGEST turning points in my life. I kept doing my thing at the party, met some great people. Spent time with old friends. It felt nice. I then went back to the place i was staying and went to church with another friend. I had forgot my skirt but i had felt that i needed to go anyways. She asked me to go with her and i decided that id just wear my jeans no matter how weird i felt. As i sat there listening to the first speaker share some moments in her life, tears just kept coming from my eyes. She then shared what is now my favorite scripture Ether 12:6 And now, I, Moroni, would speak somewhat concerning these things; I would show unto the world that faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith..

When i first heard this all i could do was cry, what i took out of it at that time was that faith was things hoped for but not seen. I was hoping to get answer if i should move back and i had to have the faith i would get that. I received a couple other blessings from men that didn't know a thing about what was going on. The same kinda thing was said. This time I remembered more of the "Study the gospel to find your daily answers". So i went home and re-read that scripture. This time, the thing that stuck out was " dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith. I INSTANTLY felt warm and at peace. That was my answer. Heavenly Father had sent me to Cedar to see how much i trusted him, the gospel, AND my self. He sent me to see if i would do as he wanted, not as i wanted. And the minute he saw that i was preparing to do a life there he knew i was truly accepting his way. And that now it was time to come back to where i could be most successful. One thing after another has happened in this working out. And then last night while on set at the movie i'm an extra in. The actress sang this song that almost brought me to tears. She personally confirmed once again i was here for a reason and to make the most out of it.

I am officially SO grateful for the church in my life. I am grateful that I changed my life so that I could feel what i have felt. And do what i am doing. I am grateful for so much. So thankful for my Heavenly Fathers love!