I love my life so much!!!!! I am so very blessed from my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I am astonished at how many times these poor men have to "have my back", and do it willingly. Sometimes i wonder if they are sitting in heaven thinking....."Okay, its been about 2 weeks and she's stressed almost past what she can handle. Yet she can't just come to us to let us help her!" I can't imagine what a disappointment it must be sometimes watching someone they love so much, struggle out of stubbornness. It must be heartbreaking.
Yet, they are right there giving me what i need when i need it. And they do it in such a way i could NEVER deny their hand in my life.
This last month has been hard for me in a lot of areas. I have been tried and tested far more than i ever have before. And it was in a way i never saw coming. I was tested to see if i could have the faith that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ knew more than i knew. If i had the faith that their way is truly more productive and possibly better than my way. I was tested in a job that i am honestly for the first time scared to death of. I was tested to see if I could see my own testimony by myself. I was tested to see if my love for the gospel was more than my love for romantic love itself. I wish i could tell you i passed in all these areas from the get go. However I didn't. In fact there were countless times i almost quit my job and found a job i wouldn't of made much money with in the long run. I was tempted to just shake my fists at the heaven and say "Why on earth are you doing this to me RIGHT NOW?!" Thankfully i was blessed with a family that loves me that are both near and far. I was blessed with random phone calls, emails, and visits from friends that were in tune with the spirit. Friends that many times kept me going. Most of all, I was blessed with a Uncle & Aunt whom i live with who constantly invite me to do family home evening with them. I would some of the time but i never agreed to do the lesson.
Tonight no one had any lesson planned, so i asked Rick to grab the ensign. I honestly had no idea what i was going to talk about. But for some reason i felt strongly i needed to find a talk by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf. As i looked at the table of contents as my aunt and uncle discussed upcoming events the title "Forget Me Not" stuck out. As the prayer was being offered i also remembered a quote from another speaker J Devan Cornish said. " When we truly believe that God rules His kingdom and that He has all power and all glory, we are recognizing that He really is in charge, that He loves us with a perfect love, and that He wants us to be happy. I have found that one of the secrets to a joyful life is to recognize that doing things the Lord's way will make me happier than doing things my way." As the prayer ended i still felt prompted to read the first talk by Elder Uchtdorf, so i started with Elder Cornish's thought not knowing what Elder Uchtdorf was even going to say. To my amazement it flowed really well.
I am not going to go into a huge detail about the talk. But i encourage all my women friends to read it if you haven't, and ponder it if you have. There is one part of the talk that hit home really hard for me. Before i share that i should share the jest of his talk. He used a metaphor with the Forget Me Not flower. He listed 5 things (for the 5 petals of the flower) that we should not forget. They are listed on the cute flower i found and edited words onto above. The ones that stuck out the most to me were the following. First, forget not to be patient with yourself. Third, forget not to be happy now.
The first thing that stuck out to me was when he said " I want to tell you something that i hope you will take in the right way: God is fully aware that you and I are not perfect. Let me add: God is also fully aware that the people you think are perfect are not. And yet we spend so much time and energy comparing ourselves to others- usually comparing our weaknesses to their strengths. This drives us to create expectations for ourselves that are impossible to meet. As a result, we never celebrate our good efforts because they seem to be less than what someone else does." ( If this wasn't Heavenly Father basically spelling it out for me literally i don't know what is! And you would think he'd stop there right? Yep, nope!)
He then talks about being happy. And shares how in Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory everyone is trying so hard to get the gold ticket that they forget the joy of the chocolate candy bar. And he said something that again hit home for me. He stated " There is nothing wrong with righteous yearnings-we hope and seek after things that are 'virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy.' The problem comes when we put our happiness on hold as we wait for some future event-our golden ticket to appear." (And this was the kicker for me actually) Anyone that knows me knows that no matter what i say my "golden ticket" is to find a handsome righteous priesthood holder to take me to the temple. Like he stated righteous yearnings isn't the problem, it is putting all the other happiness i can find on hold till i find that ticket.
To make a SUPER long post short, I am SO grateful for revelation and answers to unasked prayers. I am so grateful that my Heavenly Father knows what I need more than I do. And I'm grateful that he shows me these things when i am prepared to accept them.